Wednesday, December 21, 2016

What a year!

2016! What a year! It really has been quite the year! I can hardly remember what occupied my mind at the beginning but I honestly did not have very much faith that this year would end. It seemed like a vast ocean with me as the one grain of sand at the shore- lost among other grains and afraid to be swallowed by the ocean.

It however has been a season of great introspection and meditation. A season of healing, restoration, learning to let go and to live by myself! A season of appreciating the awesome person I am and aligning myself to my calling. Trying to understand the purpose of my existence on earth and what I have to bring to the table of life.

I have learned to appreciate the life I have and to live it to the fullest! I have learned that I have been gifted with everything I need pertaining to life.

I’ll admit that I have made a lot of learning errors- many of them not too far away in the past but in spite of it all, I am learning. I have challenged the statusquo in seeking to understand why I believe what I believe. That right there has been one of my greatest challenges- to listen with understanding to opinions different from mine without putting myself in the place of supreme judge.

I have sought to understand the consequences of decisions I have made. Their implications on family, friends and I. Like Paul says, everything is permissible but not all things are beneficial. I have cut out a lot of people and things but I have also embraced a lot of new people and things. For everything I have let go of, it has been replaced with better and more relevant things- and people of course!

I have learned that my life and my decisions are my business and despite what happens, I should be ready to take utmost responsibility for myself.

Most of all I have learned that human beings are frail and will betray you whenever the chance avails itself. But instead of be angry about it, just understand that as unworthy as people are of your trust, give them the benefit of doubt. Be slow to judge, slow to react and always seek to preserve the relationship. Despite how much people change, always be true to who you are because in the end, you are responsible for you!!!

A toast to the year that has been!

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Cut your cloth according to your coat!

Weddings! The more of them I attend, the more I want to attend yet the less impressive they are. When I was younger it was such a big deal for guys to splash money on weddings and leave you talking but when I grew up I started to understand that a lot of the people who splashed money did not even have it.


A lot of them put people on pressure to contribute towards their wedding and don’t even have the half of it. how absurd is that?

I almost got married last year and it helped me to go through the rigour of wedding meetings and what it means for two people to show up for a meeting that you expected maybe at least 20 of the people who claim to be your friends to attend. It quickly taught me that no one is under any obligation to contribute towards your wedding let alone attend your fund-raising meetings.

Sadly though, I don’t think many people know this. They make their plans around other people’s money. It could be that they expect everyone to be happy for them and contribute towards their event or maybe they are just as naïve as I was in that season.

I quickly learned that the modest thing is to start saving up towards a wedding- if it features anywhere in your future plans. In the event that you think you will get married even in the far future, start putting money aside regardless of how little it is. Those small amounts of money can start you up when you put your plans into motion.

It’s a bit weird for the couple to be unable to even pay off something as small as the venue they use for wedding meetings. It quickly discourages the people who attend the meetings who begin to consider the couple unserious.

It could even be things like the bride and grooms personal business- what they intend to wear and all. Buy what you need and always consider the need to constantly adjust your budget. Prioritise what is absolutely necessary like the actual ceremony- the church fee that is.

Some of the possible spending avenues are not set in stone and can be done without. For instance, I don’t see why a couple would be spending 8million on food when they have no idea where they will spend their honeymoon. I mean, what is the priority here? Would you not rather have a proper plan for the consummation of your marriage than spend yourself out only to have loans to clear?

Obviously we all have different priorities but honestly speaking, the wedding reception is one afternoon or evening- what remains after that is your cross to bear as a couple. So, in all your choosing and prioritizing, be wise. Learn from other people’s lessons and cut your cloth according to your coat!

To argue or walk away! That is the question!

Opinions will one day be the death of people. 

*This is where I laugh out loud.*

It’s really amazing how people feel entitled to counter another’s opinion. It would seem like they had one but never had the balls to put it out there! Now that someone else has, they feel obligated to express themselves in that regard.

For the sake of clarity, when I say opinion- I mean personal belief formed as a result of ones predispositions.

You know the beautiful thing about life and humanity is that God has given every one of us a brain- which we must be bothered to use. Otherwise it defeats the purpose! The human species- being the most intelligent of all creatures ought to discern when it’s necessary to counter an expressed opinion and when it’s not!

There are things that people believe and it’s honestly none of my business; I would not start arguing with them about it. I’d rather try and understand where they are coming from and why they have formed such beliefs. Based on that, I then either bother to counter or just move on with my life.

It could be the generation we live in, I don’t know. Maybe the constant exposure to social media and the internet has bred information experts who believe what they have to say counts for something. I honestly don’t know.

My point of contention though would be, if you have to shut down what someone believes because you believe the opposite then something is terribly wrong with you. Go back and reconsider how to respond to something that contradicts your opinion.

My upbringing and experiences in life will never be the same as those of anyone. Not even my siblings. Some of predispositions may be the same but ultimately, opinion is particular to the individual; some times it may overlap, sometimes it may not. Either way it’s personal and has been shaped through personal experiences. It therefore doesn't make too much sense to fight about 'personal individually formed thoughts.'

I would say choose your battles wisely. If you feel the need to disagree with someone on what it is they believe, do it civilly but never once think that they are beneath you because what they believe is different from what you believe.

That being said, enjoy your opinions wisely!

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Calm down Madam!!!

There's this awesome friend if mine who recently decided to settle down with the woman of his dreams. For the record, I don't really know her but from what I hear, she's of sound character.

A few friends were recounting how the engagement unfolded and how carefully thought out the whole thing was. Anyway, in the midst of all this 'madam pretty' decides to put it out there how he had tried to chase her and she turned him down.

It was hilarious!!! I had to slap myself to try and grasp this kind of nonsensical ramblings! I mean, who cares if he chased you, proposed and you jam! He's got him a woman who said yes! The rest of what did or didn't go down between the two of you is none of our business- no one cares.

If you hung him out to dry and thought your popularity would sail through the roof as a result, guess what, we still don't care! Because you just sound like some jealous immature schoolgirl who can't believe he moved beyond you and landed himself a babe who actually said yes!

In other words, get over it and do so real fast. Stop boring us with your 'I turned him down stories' because at the end of the day, we only hear what you tell us. His story could be different but because he's too civilized for 'trading turn-down stories' all we have to go on is what you have to say.

It doesn't matter if you're female or male. When you walk away from a relationship or the possibility of it, it's no one's business. People will pretend to care about what you have to say then go talk about you and your immaturity. I'm not much for talk but heck, you gave me a whole blog post darling- I probably will write a poem too! Lol.

Like a wise man once said: 'If you have nothing constructive to say, don't say it!'

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Women are not and were not made to be slaves!

It is not a woman's place to keep a man!

Unfortunately, this is not the most popular sentiment in a generation obsessed with submission(read en-slaving) women. Women have been conditioned into believing that their lives are lived for men. Men also have been conditioned into believing the same. So we have a whole generation of young underachievers whose greatest achievement is to 'serve a man' and 'be served by a women' in the name of submission.

We have a whole generation of women who have planned for nothing except the 'opportunity' to 'belong' to a man. Women who will give up their hopes and dreams and settle for helping a man achieve his because they have been conditioned to do so. And of course men who have gotten with the program. A lot of men feel entitled to female submission. They believe it is their place to dominate these beings who probably have no dreams of their own and even if they do, they are not all that important!

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against submission(serving one another humbly in love) but I have a major issue with the concept of submission being used as permission for men to walk all over women. I have an issue with what people have chosen to define submission as! Yes, I do have a major problem with men who have not married a woman, requiring submission of her. I will not speak for married people because I'm not and have never been married, so I have no authority in that realm.

That being said, it's about time we start to question the things we believe and why we believe them as such. All things are relative and subject to interpretation! What is the foundation of what you believe and who is responsible for the interpretation that you have now come to accept as unchallengeable truth? Why are you afraid to challenge that supposed truth and why do you take offense when someone else does?

Women are not and were not made to be slaves! All were made equal, the only variation is our modes of contribution to societal welfare. So, women rise up and outgrow your slavery mentality because future generations are depending on you! Men, learn to honour women because one day you will have a daughter and imagine the legacy the men of her generation will be living! We have the ability to impact the future. Let's start now!

Monday, October 17, 2016

'Expectation Adjustments'

Have you ever been so psyched up about a particular prospect that you put all your energies in attempting to pursue it? Well, I suppose we've all been there one way or the other- pumped to the brim with adrenaline from the possibility of something working out for us in a way we hope it will.

I suppose that's a good place to be; to have some sort of purpose or end you're working towards and are focused on. I know I really appreciate focus- I'm a strong believer in purpose and it's accomplishment.

So may I ask, what happens when despite your psych, you realise that you never had what it took to actually make the cut for this thing you were pursuing? What then? Do you curl up in a ball? Do you curse the world? Do you shake it off and move on to the next prospect? What do you do?

Of course all the above are possible options and so much more: some I have not thought of. Generally speaking though, it would be a question of dealing with disappointment! How does one deal when the world has been pulled out from under them? How do you not let it bother you or better still how do you deal with the fact that it bothers you? Because let's face it- it's only natural that disappointment should bother you unless the thing you thought you wanted really wasn't that important to you in the first place!

Anyway, so how does one deal with disappointment?

I think, the first thing would be to understand that it is totally normal/ human to be disappointed. It is okay for you to feel whatever emotions are a result of you being disappointed and as such, it's of even greater importance to learn how to deal with those emotions. Find your own way healthy of dealing.

Also, don't take it too personal. Many times disappointment is not because you're such an undeserving person- you just didn't make the cut and that's all there is to it. So don't go into regret mode or depression.

Instead, take another look at your expectations. This is usually the root of disappointment. What do you need to change and how can you change it? What do you need to scrape off your list and what needs to be added to it?

Appreciate what you have learnt from the rejection and aim smarter and bigger depending on your 'expectation- adjustments'.

Above all, don't resent who or what you had decided to pursue simply because you weren't welcomed with open arms. If anything, you can now go upgrade and give it another try- you just never know how it may work out for you!

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Mentorship is a hoax!

I have had a number of experiences with potential mentors and have almost reached the conclusion that it's all a very big hoax! There is no such thing as legitimate mentorship. Everyone seems to be out for what they can get from who; the mentor from the mentee and vice varsa.

I have met people who in the name of mentoring will make you build their empire for them and then turn around and step on your head like you did not matter in the first place. It's a very puzzling place for anyone to find themselves because when you look up to someone, you more often than not put them on a pedestal. They are untouchable because of the kind of respect you accord them. Many times you'll even defend them in front of people who believe otherwise.

So for that person who you respect beyond anything to disrespect you and bring your world crushing down is a harsh thing. It changes you in ways you did not know were possible. It toys with your belief in the goodness of people. Many times, it has the power to tun you into a cynic!

But there's also the case of the mentee who uses the mentor to climb their social ladder and then dump them like a sack of stale potatoes! I don't know which is more painful! Or less irritating but I do know that even in reverse roles, it's an ugly thing to take advantage of people. It seems to be the order of the day though- for people to believe that in life you must take what you want regardless of who stands in your way!

It's not a pleasant thing; and it destroys so many people that they put their hope in so many human beings only for it to get thrown into their faces! As a mentor to many young people, I have found myself stuck in a place of feeling like I have out-given myself and I have nothing left to give. Yes, that is a very frustrating place to be.

So how does one deal with this whole mentor/mentee complex?

I was talking to a very wise gentleman this morning and he helped me see things in another light:
First as a mentor, understand that your job is to build whoever you're trying to mentor. Your primary goal is to mentor not to build a friendship. A lot of mentor/mentee frustration is a result of the blurred line between mentorship and friendship.

Be deliberate in evaluating what is working and what's not working. Know and edit each other's expectations from get go. Communicate very clearly what expectations are realistic and which are not.

As a mentor, at all times be transparent with whoever you mentor. Don't bite the hard things- put them out there for the sake of this mentorship thing working. At all times, remember your role as a mentor is to build- honestly, openly and deliberately!

Are you a mentor or are you infact looking for more friends? Selah!

We are powerless over our emotions!

I have heard people say we are powerless over our emotions.

This does not resound with me. I admit there are so many things I feel very strongly about- i.e my convictions. However, despite how strong the emotions attached to whatever conviction, I have learnt to draw a line on what works and what doesn't.

I don't have some sort of solution to make you not feel the things you feel. I'm just saying that, emotions, however powerful should not dictate your response to life. Why? Because they change. Yes, very often, they change and what spurred certain emotions in you the first time will not necessarily do so the next time!

I have made some major decisions in a bout of anger or excitement and have had to swallow my words so painfully after the moment has passed. When I was younger, I was too proud to remedy relationships that were affected by my emotional meltdowns because I was convinced I didn't need those people anyway! But also, I was too ashamed to take back what I had said.

However, I have learnt that relationships are very important and people do mean something. So as much as possible, I would rather choke on my feelings than say something I cannot take back!

So I really do not agree with the school of thought that we are powerless over our emotions. We may feel powerless in the rush of emotions in a moment but we really just need to take a step away from the situation and regroup with our senses. You see the rush of emotions is capable of blinding you to what is important. In the midst of a meltdown, all you recognise is what you're feeling in that moment. Your mind goes blank- as if you're high on some substance. I suppose it would be better that when you feel emotions building up on you, and threatening an outpouring beyond you, walk away. Despite how much you think you have to prove yourself, walk away! It's the only way out!

That way, you'll save yourself the outburst and then when it passes, you can come back to it and talk with a level head about what needed to be talked about. Walking away is not to avoid dealing with he issue at hand but rather to help you breathe and be more objective!

You will be a lot more reasonable when you think about your response to emotions because you see, you really are not powerless over them. You are more than able to control your emotions!

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Is culture that big a deal?

It's amazing that being curious about culture raises some major concerns in our day and age! People begin to wonder what's not happening with you when you curl up into the ball of cultural discovery. I mean outward concern; so much that the general perception is that you're considering your future mate and decided to read up on what to expect.

I recently started reading a book on Acholi culture- seeing as I'm Acholi and you'll be shocked how much dust it seems to be raising. I mean even from my tribe mates... A lot of what should be cultural pride has dwindled with our generation into cultural shame. We are so ashamed of our roots that we'd rather pretend not to know where we're from than be identified as a particular societal segment!

I know so many young people who purportedly cannot speak their 'language' and fall back on that shady 'American accent' to try and be cool. I must ask though, what cool is and who decided that those particular things should be categorised as 'cool'.

The more I grow, the more I understand how rich and important culture is in the life of the individual. How one way or the other our behavioural patterns are tied to culture. But what or why is it easier to be identified by other cultures that do not directly affect us than be identified by that which we are a result of? Because one way or the other you will always notice cultural undertones in the things people do, say and even in their view of life.

So, love it or hate it, we cannot escape who we are and we really shouldn't be fighting to do so. On the contrary, we'd rather embrace who we are and work towards changing that which we don't like about ourselves. Improving our response to culture; not running away from it, not shunning it but improving our response to it! That's what we need to do.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

I don't care... But do I?

Do we all secretly care what people think and probably say about us? I wonder...

You must be wondering why the random question? Sometimes I have these conversations with people that really stimulate my mind and when my mind starts, it just goes! I mean literally. I start to think and try to get actual answers to these questions- that's if they really are any.

I am still of the school of thought that all things- except God are relative and therefore are subject to change. So even our thought patterns may not necessarily be the same tomorrow as they are today. But that's a little of track. Back to the above question.

Do we sometimes convince ourselves that we don't care what people think and then secretly go wonder what they think about the fact that we don't care what they think? It probably does happen, yeah? We may want to convince ourselves that we don't care but we probably do- even just a little bit.

Of course the extent to which we pay attention to what people think about us varies because some opinions we hold in higher esteem than others. People with a certain kind of moral authority over me, tend to affect me a lot more than people who don't. Which begs the question, do our relationships determine if we care what people think about us?

It may be yes or no, depending on the individual. I'm not psychologist, neither do I claim to know all there is to the human mind but at the end of the day the question is really to you as a person, do you care what people think and say about you? If yes, why? If no, why? And how does it affect you?

Do you constantly find yourself being indecisive about things because you're afraid of what you may be perceived as in the event that you take a particular decision? Why is it so important to you what people perceive you as?

Friday, September 30, 2016

Should I hate marriage?

Someone asked me if I hate marriage... Yes, I was actually asked if I hate marriage. I couldn't help but laugh at the question because who honestly hates marriage? The more I thought of it though, the more I tried to understand why that would be their general impression of me in that regard!

I love marriage or at least the thought of it as I have not been married before. However, what I have an issue with is people viewing marriage as some sort of destination. The mentality of arrivalism because one has been married(wedded) is what really irks me so very much. Because you see, for a very long time I believed that marriage was some sort of major accomplishment!!!

Don't get me wrong, maybe it is for certain people who have allowed society to let them believe it is. For this reason, many people will readily put their lives, even themselves on hold because they're looking to settle down. They continually mold themselves into who they hope the person they'll settle down with will want them to be. I totally disagree with that because then why have we been made individuals?

If your individual traits cannot get you that which you think you're looking for, then you're simply a mold of societal expectation!

And because everyone is trying to be the person that gets hooked based on what they think is required of them, the world lacks so much originality! There is too much 'fake' going around in the name of getting hooked. I believe you can only be someone else for so long. Very soon, and I mean very soon, it will frustrate you so much that the very thing you thought you wanted- so badly- will become the thing you try to get rid of!

Why you ask? Because you were made to be you not who everyone else thinks you should be. Therefore, in relation to the above question, if marriage is a pit stop in life's journey in which individuality is not crushes out of insecurity bred in selfishness, I will celebrate it but if a person marries trying to fit into society's mold, then I will raise dust about it.

Either way, marriage is a beautiful thing: get married for the right reason!

Thursday, September 22, 2016

We're all the same- different!!!

When you grow up, you want to be classified as a grown up. No? I reckon that's by far, the biggest lie of our existence because there's no growing up, is there? We're all a bunch of kids playing pretend on the playground hoping to get noticed or to pretend that we don't care about getting noticed.

Am i being sarcastic? I really don't know! I'm not too certain where the line between sarcasm and blunt reality is. In the sense that what we think is reality may actually be a continuous figment of our imagination that we've held for so long and now believe to be truth.

Which begs the question, is truth therefore definite or relative. Again, I have no clear answer to this question because who knows if what I think is truth is only truth because I have existed with it for so long that I now believe it to be so!

For a long time I allowed myself to believe that when you grow in years it automatically warrants growth in maturity. Now I laugh at how absurd an idea that is because one way or the other, we are just children in a bigger world.

When we were young, we had no responsibility hence our freedom to be ourselves without too much thought but the more we grow, the more we fit into molds made for us by I don't know who! Women learn to behave a certain way, and men do just the same because that's who society expects us to be.

Even the so-called rule breakers all behave a certain way because they have been programmed to believe that to break the rules, you must fit a certain mold. Therefore dispelling the notion of being different because in a bid to be different, we all end up being the same- different!

This is the paradox of life. Nothing is really what it seems and everything is subject to change, except God of course.

The rest of our existence is just a vicious cycle of trying to be different only to end up being the same. Children in a bigger playground! I call dibs on the candy lol!

Monday, September 19, 2016

Beauty is only skin deep!!!

"Beauty is only skin deep! No one cares if you're beautiful on the inside, that's not what hooks people. you gotta make an effort to first be presentable on the outside then we'll pay attention to what's on the inside- if it's necessary"

I don't quote this opinionated woman lightly. my thoughts in regard to her sentiments cannot be defined in one particular direction. I agree with her to an extent but I very largely disagree with her on the other hand.

However, approval or not, I must say she echoes the prevalent school of thought in this generation. Just from an observers point of view, it is quite obvious that 'Beauty is only skin deep'! Young women, future mothers, wives, thought leaders- all believe it and as such capitalise on the outward appearance like they're in some sort of beauty contest.

Heck, even some employers believe it. They'd rather give the job to an empty-headed good-looking girl than to a sober minded average looking one. All in the name of attracting consumers to their product. Don't get me wrong! I'm not saying a girl shouldn't look all that... I'm just saying there's got to be more to a person than what meets the eye.

I'm not shaming beauty but man, there's got to be some brains attached to it. It's very unbecoming to speak to a person and realise they have nothing to offer except their looks. And more and more, it seems to be the norm. Even with the next generation. The media is grooming them to be empty headed dolls and parents seem to be pushing them in that direction!

Beauty is fleeting! It has always been, it will always be! Build yourself woman, your brain is your selling point!

What do you have to offer the world?!

Friday, September 9, 2016

If I ever find you anywhere near my man, I will kill you!!!

"If I ever find you anywhere near my man, I will kill you!!!"

Hehehehe, that's my very evil laugh!

Who makes statements like that? And why? Who told people they can own people? I don't mean that any other way but sarcastically!

It really beats me that a woman, in her right state of mind would fight with another woman, over a man! Really sister, really? There cannot be a valid reason to do that. I get that sometimes some women try and overstep into 'your man's life but darling, no one bewitched him into likinh them. And no, contrary to popular belief, I don't think that when a man strays, it's entirely your responsibility as a woman.

It always takes two to tangle. If a man finally strays it's because he's been entertaining thoughts of straying and decided to act it out. Whether he thought it through or not, is entirely on him. He may have thought it through, he may have not. Again, I don't think there's anything you could have done to force him into straying.

I'm not saying shift the blame, I'm simply saying each one plays a part and each one should acknowledge that! I'm so tired of people assigning blame to everyone but themselves! Grow up! Take responsibility for your choices! Grown up adults cannot be forced to do certain things, you ultimately always have choice! Always! So choose and choose wisely!

And once the choice has been made, take responsibility for it! Whether you're a woman or a man, you have the ability and faculties to make up your mind soundly. So the next time you take any decisions, think through them and be ready to live up to what comes with the you choice make because let's face it, you're grown up!!! So be grown up!

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Because Love Is Truth!!!

I am currently reading Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's 'The thing around your neck' and boy, oh boy this woman is something else. Her story writing skills are totally outstanding and so captivating.

Anyway so the first story I read is 'Cell': about this young man who takes to thieving but whose mother constantly shields him from taking responsibility for his actions. Even when he ends up behind bars albeit for something different, his Mummy is still there to shield him.

It got me thinking though, at how often people think they're protecting you from the world by not confronting your bad habits. i mean, for something like theft, what is there to think about? It would hurt to confront it but it must be done for the sake of the person's betterment.

You cannot claim to love anyone too much to tell them the truth! That is very selfish and doesn't quite qualify as love because love will correct you hoping to make you a better person.

In the story, every time this young man was involved in one of those incidents it was obvious to his family that he had done it. However, there wasn't any obvious step made towards confronting the matter at hand. Instead, silence followed the incident and everyone expected it to go away as a result. But it never does go away though, does it?

When people that we love do things that they shouldn't be doing- read infringing on other people's freedoms or being disrespectful of people's property, we ought to speak up. Not behind their backs but directly to their faces. We need to give them a chance to choose to change because the habit developed is unbecoming as compared to being like the ostrich that believes covering it's head in the sand protects it from danger!

Love is truth! Love people enough to tell them the truth because many times, their life actually depends on it!

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

The Summer!!!

Arua Hill

After you’ve spent two whole months without sitting down to write, getting back into it is harsh. Literally, I mean. Just doing this right now, I have to push myself because I’m counting the words. It’s been a great break from writing and my normal routine.

The summer!!! Quite the break! I have enjoyed myself entirely and also. I’m not certain if I’m looking forward to going back to work as some days I can’t help but be excited and others, anxiety is all I feel. I know it’s probably the usual feeling of breaking out of one routine and fitting back into another. The mind always takes a bit to adjust or readjust itself to what comes next.

When my holiday started, I was pumped cuz I really just needed a break from what had been my routine for six months. I really just needed a break. Anyway so the first week took some adjusting seeing as I was up at the usual time every morning only to realise that I had so much time on my hands that I had not really planned for. Yeah, sometimes I’m weird like that!

By the second week, it was time to do something. So I took a road trip to Tororo to see my Mummy with my sibblings and we had such a fabulous time. From visiting Watoto Village Ssubi to climbing Tororo rock, to going to check out Sipi falls in Kapchorwa and finally Miriadua falls in Arua… Believe me when I say I had a fabulous time. The Chronicles are upcoming.

I came to the realization that Uganda is such a beautiful place and like the typical Ugandan, I had and still have not been to so many of these breathtakingly beautiful places. I have made a pact with myself to change that as soon as yesterday and so far so good. I’m loving seeing our Country and just marveling at where I have not been all these years.

I see I’m getting back into character lol. A toast to all the struggling writers out there. Did I mention that I’ve been reading quite a bit… Anyway, all that and more coming up real soon. I look forward to downloading my mind here real soon.

Monday, June 27, 2016

He will come and save!!!

 It's almost Midnight and I find myself with my thoughts in the deadly silence of the night!

I wait like the anxious lover for the voice of her dear one. I wait for my Lord. For that gentle soothing whisper that calms all my unfounded fears and establishes me in His love that never falls, never gives up and never runs out on me!

Waiting for God is a thing that often eludes me for I tell myself that I am waiting on Him. But you see, I have come to realise that to wait on God simply means to go about my business and expect He will show up and fit in as and when He sees fit.

To wait for Him however means like in the words of Moses- paraphrased: "If His presence does not go with me, then I ain't going nowhere". It means staying put even when all within and without is screaming that it's time to move.

It is much less convenient for me to wait for as compared to wait on God.

For you see, waiting for Him means there must be some sort of deliberate decision to put my plans on hold and fit into His will because I have taken time to hear and know what He is calling me to. Waiting for Him is dependent on the existence of a real, personal and intimate relationship with Him. The kind of intimacy a child enjoys with their Father. Pure, innocent love!

To wait for God means I must choose to trust Him enough to believe He will take good care of the time that I spend in waiting. It means I have confidence that though I don't know His timing, because He loves me, He is intentionally working it out for my good. As a matter of fact, He is intentionally working all things for my good according to His purpose because I love Him (Cross reference Romans 8:28)!

To wait for God means I must stand still, despite how roarsome the tempests and know that He is God and He is good and He will do exactly what He says He will do!!!

So, I will wait and will not faint!!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Awesome people's Birthdays!!!

To know or be known
The mystery surrounding life
To expose or be exposed
The fear shrouding life
To let in or shut out
Survive or thrive
Or like Shakespeare would say
To be or not to be!

The intrinsic determinant of character,
The assumed knowledge of personality,
The anticipation of understanding,
Concealed behind the facade of reality:
To understand or be understood!

To question or be questioned about wherein lies
To be presented with direct or indirect answers
Possibilities or impossibilities, Fullness or
Hope or despair,
Faith or fear...

Mystery and more mystery lies ahead of you,
But faith, love and hope do I pray for you
For every mountain: endurance,
For every river: perseverance,
For every storm: may you learn to dance
For every setback may you overcome!

May joy be your steady companion,
Peace your forerunner and kindness your
Let your dreams run wild and ambition help you
chase them down,
May the odds forever be in your favour and,

May you find fulfilment in this new chapter:


Tuesday, June 7, 2016

For Such Is Love...

Behold the inflation of creation
Curled up in a ball
Floating on seas inside me
A lot less than can be heard
Or felt
A pebble filled with life;
The DNA of the Universe!

How absurd
The process,
The explanation Vs the reality
Words do not suffice!
Not even science satisfies
For the imagination
Matches not the sensation.

The inflation of individuality
Woven with craft unlike any
The active ingredient of uniqueness
Not even two formed side by side
Will share it!

The anticipation of the realisation
Hope bundled with joy
Tramps the pulling apart by cravings
And mood swings
Which seek to tear my soul apart
Shredding my will into
A zillion little pieces!

The longing to hold in my arms;
The epitome of existence
Shall sustain me.
For two hundred and eighty days
Is way more baking time
Than one can take!

It will all be worth it
When in my arms I hold
The epitome of creation
For such is love!

Monday, June 6, 2016

Enter the HolySpirit!

Never in my life have I ever been depressed! Maybe a bit but it all paled in relation to what was happening to me in the season of heartbreak!

Naturally I'm not a burden sharer so I couldn't talk about it but I couldn't seem to find any other outlet either! I couldn't write, sing, dance or even work the pain away. I just couldn't do anything about it.

My heart was kidnapped by this pain that dominated it. It was there, it was real and it was going nowhere! I just couldn't deal!

I called a friend of mine who usually knows what to say when I'm being melodramatic! He listened to what I couldn't say and did the wisest thing ever: he sent me back to God- after praying with me of course.

Needless to say, I did not know how to relate with God in my pain and prayer was not really at the top of my list of things to do.

Enter the HolySpirit!

I decided to try anyway. Honesty, no pretense just plain old honesty! I told God I couldn't deal. I didn't know how or even what to pray. I just needed Him to help me! I'm telling you, my pain was the kind that needed to go and that honesty before God opened up a well as the Spirit of God gave me utterance and started to interceed for me with groanings beyond my understanding!

I don't remember a single thing I prayed but the pain started to make it's way out! The grief started to flw! The heartbreak, betrayal, pain, conflict, hate, betrayal, depression all started to find their level.

I'm telling you, you do not know comfort until of the Spirit of God has dealt with you. You don't know friendship, the definition of help until you have been through His surgery.

To say that He is a mender of broken hearts is absolute truth that I can testify to without speculation! For His healing is divine and wholesome! His help is indescribable! His comfort you cannot even begin to comprehend!

I have no hate! No regret! No fear! No pain! No depression! Only absolute peace and a new heart! A beautiful new heart full of joy at all the possibilities life has to offer!

I commend you to the Spirit of God! He will sort you out!

Emancipated! Enter the Holy Spirit!

Great guy number 2 met me at a time when I had really moved on and didn't need a man to validate my existence! I was entirely emancipated!

I loved men but not to the point of killing myself about it. I was a single mother pursuing a Bachelors degree in Financial Management! My life was full and busy- the way I like it!

I was that kind of young woman that men feared to love because my focus was too damn intense!

You needed to be awesome and very focused to stand a chance to break through the bubble of my completeness that surrounded me! But who was I kidding, I was barely Twenty four and life is long, lol.

Anyway, so great guy number two broke through and he really wasn't all that focused but he warmed his way into my heart anyway! To say my whole heart belonged to him is a grave understatement because I loved him way more than I loved myself. He stirred up in me the kind of love I didn't know I was capable of. I would have died for him a hundred times over!

It was insanely intense and entirely worth it. I grew in patience, tolerance, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, heck even in charm! We planned to get married and boy was I excited!

You cannot even begin to imagine the extent of my loyalty to this man!

I was therefore devastated when the relationship ended! It was excruciatingly painful! In that season I understood that love is more powerful than death because at least death is an end in itself! My heart was ripped out of my chest, run over, crushed, shredded and then shattered all at the same time!

It was so unbelievable that love could hurt so much. I had breakups before but this pain- I would have prefered to go through the pain of child birth again.

I didn't know how to deal! I tried everything I knew how; immersing myself in work did not help. I was dead, not dying but dead.

This is what love was; the gut wrenching ripping of my soul! Unbelievably painful! And no! There was no remedy to the pain!

Never in my life have I ever been depressed! Maybe a bit but it all paled in relation to what was happening to me in the season of heartbreak!

Naturally I'm not a burden sharer so I couldn't talk about it but I couldn't seem to find any other outlet either! I couldn't write, sing, dance or even work the pain away. I just couldn't do anything about it.

My heart was kidnapped by this pain that dominated it. It was there, it was real and it was going nowhere! I just couldn't deal!

I called a friend of mine who usually knows what to say when I'm being melodramatic! He listened to what I couldn't say and did the wisest thing ever: he sent me back to God- after praying with me of course.

Needless to say, I did not know how to relate with God in my pain and prayer was not really at the top of my list of things to do.

Enter the HolySpirit!

I decided to try anyway. Honesty, no pretense just plain old honesty! I told God I couldn't deal. I didn't know how or even what to pray. I just needed Him to help me! I'm telling you, my pain was the kind that needed to go and that honesty before God opened up a well as the Spirit of God gave me utterance and started to interceed for me with groanings beyond my understanding!

I don't remember a single thing I prayed but the pain started to make it's way out! The grief started to flow! The heartbreak, betrayal, pain, conflict, hate, betrayal, depression all started to find their level.

I'm telling you, you do not know comfort until of the Spirit of God has dealt with you. You don't know friendship, the definition of help until you have been through His surgery.

To say that He is a mender of broken hearts is absolute truth that I can testify to without speculation! For His healing is divine and wholesome! His help is indescribable! His comfort you cannot even begin to comprehend!

I have no hate! No regret! No fear! No pain! No depression! Only absolute peace and a new heart! A beautiful new heart full of joy at all the possibilities life has to offer!

I commend you to the Spirit of God! He will sort you out!

Move On Already!

Heartbreak can be devastating!!!

It can shutter you entirely and also. Some times worse than others depending on how committed you were to making it work or better still, how much of your heart was involved.

Growing up, I got involved in so many relationships and most of them did not outlast a fortnight! People always put up an act when you initially meet them or your mind decides what to expect the first time you meet a person. So every time I met the 'real person' I just couldn't deal and the relationship ended.

I can only count two real relationships in my life.

The first was with the most amazing man I had ever met! I was eighteen, he was twenty six and I was totally into him. I loved him! Anyway, it didn't quite end the ideal way. We didn't get married and have babies... There was no proper closure and I continued to crush on him for almost five years after that!

When I got closure though, it was so dramatic how I instantly got over him- which taught me the importance of closure.

Many times I was too afraid to get closure because I still wanted to hold on to the possibility of a re-bound. Of course I would not admit it to myself but that really is the reason I allowed myself to stay 'hanging' when the relationship ended.

My advice to whoever finds themselves in this place; move on!

Don't hold your heart at ransom to the possibility of a re-match because unless you're the irrational type, there's a valid reason why you decided to walk away from the relationship and it probably still stands!

I of course finally moved on and I couldn't believe how much time I allowed myself to waste, shielding myself from a lot of awesome guys because I hoped that one day, my twenty six year old knight in shining armour- who was a lot older by then- would come back to me.

When I let go, I met great guy number 2!!!