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Showing posts from 2016

What a year!

--> 2016! What a year! It really has been quite the year! I can hardly remember what occupied my mind at the beginning but I honestly did not have very much faith that this year would end. It seemed like a vast ocean with me as the one grain of sand at the shore- lost among other grains and afraid to be swallowed by the ocean.
It however has been a season of great introspection and meditation. A season of healing, restoration, learning to let go and to live by myself! A season of appreciating the awesome person I am and aligning myself to my calling. Trying to understand the purpose of my existence on earth and what I have to bring to the table of life.
I have learned to appreciate the life I have and to live it to the fullest! I have learned that I have been gifted with everything I need pertaining to life.
I’ll admit that I have made a lot of learning errors- many of them not too far away in the past but in spite of it all, I am learning. I have challenged the statusquo…

Cut your cloth according to your coat!

--> Weddings! The more of them I attend, the more I want to attend yet the less impressive they are. When I was younger it was such a big deal for guys to splash money on weddings and leave you talking but when I grew up I started to understand that a lot of the people who splashed money did not even have it.
Selah!
A lot of them put people on pressure to contribute towards their wedding and don’t even have the half of it. how absurd is that?
I almost got married last year and it helped me to go through the rigour of wedding meetings and what it means for two people to show up for a meeting that you expected maybe at least 20 of the people who claim to be your friends to attend. It quickly taught me that no one is under any obligation to contribute towards your wedding let alone attend your fund-raising meetings.
Sadly though, I don’t think many people know this. They make their plans around other people’s money. It could be that they expect everyone to be happy for them a…

To argue or walk away! That is the question!

--> Opinions will one day be the death of people. 
*This is where I laugh out loud.*
It’s really amazing how people feel entitled to counter another’s opinion. It would seem like they had one but never had the balls to put it out there! Now that someone else has, they feel obligated to express themselves in that regard.
For the sake of clarity, when I say opinion- I mean personal belief formed as a result of ones predispositions.
You know the beautiful thing about life and humanity is that God has given every one of us a brain- which we must be bothered to use. Otherwise it defeats the purpose! The human species- being the most intelligent of all creatures ought to discern when it’s necessary to counter an expressed opinion and when it’s not!
There are things that people believe and it’s honestly none of my business; I would not start arguing with them about it. I’d rather try and understand where they are coming from and why they have formed such beliefs. Based on that, …

Calm down Madam!!!

There's this awesome friend if mine who recently decided to settle down with the woman of his dreams. For the record, I don't really know her but from what I hear, she's of sound character. A few friends were recounting how the engagement unfolded and how carefully thought out the whole thing was. Anyway, in the midst of all this 'madam pretty' decides to put it out there how he had tried to chase her and she turned him down.It was hilarious!!! I had to slap myself to try and grasp this kind of nonsensical ramblings! I mean, who cares if he chased you, proposed and you jam! He's got him a woman who said yes! The rest of what did or didn't go down between the two of you is none of our business- no one cares.If you hung him out to dry and thought your popularity would sail through the roof as a result, guess what, we still don't care! Because you just sound like some jealous immature schoolgirl who can't believe he moved beyond you and landed himself …

Women are not and were not made to be slaves!

It is not a woman's place to keep a man!

Unfortunately, this is not the most popular sentiment in a generation obsessed with submission(read en-slaving) women. Women have been conditioned into believing that their lives are lived for men. Men also have been conditioned into believing the same. So we have a whole generation of young underachievers whose greatest achievement is to 'serve a man' and 'be served by a women' in the name of submission.

We have a whole generation of women who have planned for nothing except the 'opportunity' to 'belong' to a man. Women who will give up their hopes and dreams and settle for helping a man achieve his because they have been conditioned to do so. And of course men who have gotten with the program. A lot of men feel entitled to female submission. They believe it is their place to dominate these beings who probably have no dreams of their own and even if they do, they are not all that important!

Don't get me …

'Expectation Adjustments'

Have you ever been so psyched up about a particular prospect that you put all your energies in attempting to pursue it? Well, I suppose we've all been there one way or the other- pumped to the brim with adrenaline from the possibility of something working out for us in a way we hope it will.

I suppose that's a good place to be; to have some sort of purpose or end you're working towards and are focused on. I know I really appreciate focus- I'm a strong believer in purpose and it's accomplishment.

So may I ask, what happens when despite your psych, you realise that you never had what it took to actually make the cut for this thing you were pursuing? What then? Do you curl up in a ball? Do you curse the world? Do you shake it off and move on to the next prospect? What do you do?

Of course all the above are possible options and so much more: some I have not thought of. Generally speaking though, it would be a question of dealing with disappointment! How does one deal w…

Mentorship is a hoax!

I have had a number of experiences with potential mentors and have almost reached the conclusion that it's all a very big hoax! There is no such thing as legitimate mentorship. Everyone seems to be out for what they can get from who; the mentor from the mentee and vice varsa.

I have met people who in the name of mentoring will make you build their empire for them and then turn around and step on your head like you did not matter in the first place. It's a very puzzling place for anyone to find themselves because when you look up to someone, you more often than not put them on a pedestal. They are untouchable because of the kind of respect you accord them. Many times you'll even defend them in front of people who believe otherwise.

So for that person who you respect beyond anything to disrespect you and bring your world crushing down is a harsh thing. It changes you in ways you did not know were possible. It toys with your belief in the goodness of people. Many times, it ha…

We are powerless over our emotions!

I have heard people say we are powerless over our emotions.

This does not resound with me. I admit there are so many things I feel very strongly about- i.e my convictions. However, despite how strong the emotions attached to whatever conviction, I have learnt to draw a line on what works and what doesn't.

I don't have some sort of solution to make you not feel the things you feel. I'm just saying that, emotions, however powerful should not dictate your response to life. Why? Because they change. Yes, very often, they change and what spurred certain emotions in you the first time will not necessarily do so the next time!

I have made some major decisions in a bout of anger or excitement and have had to swallow my words so painfully after the moment has passed. When I was younger, I was too proud to remedy relationships that were affected by my emotional meltdowns because I was convinced I didn't need those people anyway! But also, I was too ashamed to take back what I ha…

Is culture that big a deal?

It's amazing that being curious about culture raises some major concerns in our day and age! People begin to wonder what's not happening with you when you curl up into the ball of cultural discovery. I mean outward concern; so much that the general perception is that you're considering your future mate and decided to read up on what to expect.

I recently started reading a book on Acholi culture- seeing as I'm Acholi and you'll be shocked how much dust it seems to be raising. I mean even from my tribe mates... A lot of what should be cultural pride has dwindled with our generation into cultural shame. We are so ashamed of our roots that we'd rather pretend not to know where we're from than be identified as a particular societal segment!

I know so many young people who purportedly cannot speak their 'language' and fall back on that shady 'American accent' to try and be cool. I must ask though, what cool is and who decided that those particular…

I don't care... But do I?

Do we all secretly care what people think and probably say about us? I wonder...

You must be wondering why the random question? Sometimes I have these conversations with people that really stimulate my mind and when my mind starts, it just goes! I mean literally. I start to think and try to get actual answers to these questions- that's if they really are any.

I am still of the school of thought that all things- except God are relative and therefore are subject to change. So even our thought patterns may not necessarily be the same tomorrow as they are today. But that's a little of track. Back to the above question.

Do we sometimes convince ourselves that we don't care what people think and then secretly go wonder what they think about the fact that we don't care what they think? It probably does happen, yeah? We may want to convince ourselves that we don't care but we probably do- even just a little bit.

Of course the extent to which we pay attention to what people…

Should I hate marriage?

Someone asked me if I hate marriage... Yes, I was actually asked if I hate marriage. I couldn't help but laugh at the question because who honestly hates marriage? The more I thought of it though, the more I tried to understand why that would be their general impression of me in that regard!

I love marriage or at least the thought of it as I have not been married before. However, what I have an issue with is people viewing marriage as some sort of destination. The mentality of arrivalism because one has been married(wedded) is what really irks me so very much. Because you see, for a very long time I believed that marriage was some sort of major accomplishment!!!

Don't get me wrong, maybe it is for certain people who have allowed society to let them believe it is. For this reason, many people will readily put their lives, even themselves on hold because they're looking to settle down. They continually mold themselves into who they hope the person they'll settle down wit…

We're all the same- different!!!

When you grow up, you want to be classified as a grown up. No? I reckon that's by far, the biggest lie of our existence because there's no growing up, is there? We're all a bunch of kids playing pretend on the playground hoping to get noticed or to pretend that we don't care about getting noticed.

Am i being sarcastic? I really don't know! I'm not too certain where the line between sarcasm and blunt reality is. In the sense that what we think is reality may actually be a continuous figment of our imagination that we've held for so long and now believe to be truth.

Which begs the question, is truth therefore definite or relative. Again, I have no clear answer to this question because who knows if what I think is truth is only truth because I have existed with it for so long that I now believe it to be so!

For a long time I allowed myself to believe that when you grow in years it automatically warrants growth in maturity. Now I laugh at how absurd an idea tha…

Beauty is only skin deep!!!

"Beauty is only skin deep! No one cares if you're beautiful on the inside, that's not what hooks people. you gotta make an effort to first be presentable on the outside then we'll pay attention to what's on the inside- if it's necessary"

I don't quote this opinionated woman lightly. my thoughts in regard to her sentiments cannot be defined in one particular direction. I agree with her to an extent but I very largely disagree with her on the other hand.

However, approval or not, I must say she echoes the prevalent school of thought in this generation. Just from an observers point of view, it is quite obvious that 'Beauty is only skin deep'! Young women, future mothers, wives, thought leaders- all believe it and as such capitalise on the outward appearance like they're in some sort of beauty contest.

Heck, even some employers believe it. They'd rather give the job to an empty-headed good-looking girl than to a sober minded average lookin…

If I ever find you anywhere near my man, I will kill you!!!

"If I ever find you anywhere near my man, I will kill you!!!"

Hehehehe, that's my very evil laugh!

Who makes statements like that? And why? Who told people they can own people? I don't mean that any other way but sarcastically!

It really beats me that a woman, in her right state of mind would fight with another woman, over a man! Really sister, really? There cannot be a valid reason to do that. I get that sometimes some women try and overstep into 'your man's life but darling, no one bewitched him into likinh them. And no, contrary to popular belief, I don't think that when a man strays, it's entirely your responsibility as a woman.

It always takes two to tangle. If a man finally strays it's because he's been entertaining thoughts of straying and decided to act it out. Whether he thought it through or not, is entirely on him. He may have thought it through, he may have not. Again, I don't think there's anything you could have done to f…

Because Love Is Truth!!!

I am currently reading Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's'The thing around your neck' and boy, oh boy this woman is something else. Her story writing skills are totally outstanding and so captivating.

Anyway so the first story I read is 'Cell': about this young man who takes to thieving but whose mother constantly shields him from taking responsibility for his actions. Even when he ends up behind bars albeit for something different, his Mummy is still there to shield him.

It got me thinking though, at how often people think they're protecting you from the world by not confronting your bad habits. i mean, for something like theft, what is there to think about? It would hurt to confront it but it must be done for the sake of the person's betterment.

You cannot claim to love anyone too much to tell them the truth! That is very selfish and doesn't quite qualify as love because love will correct you hoping to make you a better person.

In the story, every time this y…

The Summer!!!

He will come and save!!!

It's almost Midnight and I find myself with my thoughts in the deadly silence of the night!

I wait like the anxious lover for the voice of her dear one. I wait for my Lord. For that gentle soothing whisper that calms all my unfounded fears and establishes me in His love that never falls, never gives up and never runs out on me!

Waiting for God is a thing that often eludes me for I tell myself that I am waiting on Him. But you see, I have come to realise that to wait on God simply means to go about my business and expect He will show up and fit in as and when He sees fit.

To wait for Him however means like in the words of Moses- paraphrased: "If His presence does not go with me, then I ain't going nowhere". It means staying put even when all within and without is screaming that it's time to move.

It is much less convenient for me to wait for as compared to wait on God.

For you see, waiting for Him means there must be some sort of deliberate decision to put my pla…

Awesome people's Birthdays!!!

To know or be known The mystery surrounding life To expose or be exposed The fear shrouding life To let in or shut out Survive or thrive Or like Shakespeare would say To be or not to be!
The intrinsic determinant of character, The assumed knowledge of personality, The anticipation of understanding, Concealed behind the facade of reality: To understand or be understood!
To question or be questioned about wherein lies life To be presented with direct or indirect answers Possibilities or impossibilities, Fullness or emptiness, Hope or despair, Faith or fear...
Mystery and more mystery lies ahead of you, But faith, love and hope do I pray for you For every mountain: endurance, For every river: perseverance, For every storm: may you learn to dance For every setback may you overcome!
May joy be your steady companion, Peace your forerunner and kindness your currency, Let your dreams run wild and ambition help you chase them down, May the odds forever be in your favour and,
May you find fulfilment in this new chapter:
HAPPY …

For Such Is Love...

Behold the inflation of creation
Curled up in a ball
Floating on seas inside me
A lot less than can be heard
Or felt
A pebble filled with life;
The DNA of the Universe!

How absurd
The process,
The explanation Vs the reality
Words do not suffice!
Not even science satisfies
For the imagination
Matches not the sensation.

The inflation of individuality
Woven with craft unlike any
The active ingredient of uniqueness
Indestructible
Not even two formed side by side
Will share it!

The anticipation of the realisation
Hope bundled with joy
Tramps the pulling apart by cravings
And mood swings
Which seek to tear my soul apart
Shredding my will into
A zillion little pieces!

The longing to hold in my arms;
The epitome of existence
Shall sustain me.
For two hundred and eighty days
Is way more baking time
Than one can take!

It will all be worth it
When in my arms I hold
The epitome of creation
For such is love!


Enter the HolySpirit!

Never in my life have I ever been depressed! Maybe a bit but it all paled in relation to what was happening to me in the season of heartbreak!

Naturally I'm not a burden sharer so I couldn't talk about it but I couldn't seem to find any other outlet either! I couldn't write, sing, dance or even work the pain away. I just couldn't do anything about it.

My heart was kidnapped by this pain that dominated it. It was there, it was real and it was going nowhere! I just couldn't deal!

I called a friend of mine who usually knows what to say when I'm being melodramatic! He listened to what I couldn't say and did the wisest thing ever: he sent me back to God- after praying with me of course.

Needless to say, I did not know how to relate with God in my pain and prayer was not really at the top of my list of things to do.

Enter the HolySpirit!

I decided to try anyway. Honesty, no pretense just plain old honesty! I told God I couldn't deal. I didn't know how …

Emancipated! Enter the Holy Spirit!

Great guy number 2 met me at a time when I had really moved on and didn't need a man to validate my existence! I was entirely emancipated!

I loved men but not to the point of killing myself about it. I was a single mother pursuing a Bachelors degree in Financial Management! My life was full and busy- the way I like it!

I was that kind of young woman that men feared to love because my focus was too damn intense!

You needed to be awesome and very focused to stand a chance to break through the bubble of my completeness that surrounded me! But who was I kidding, I was barely Twenty four and life is long, lol.

Anyway, so great guy number two broke through and he really wasn't all that focused but he warmed his way into my heart anyway! To say my whole heart belonged to him is a grave understatement because I loved him way more than I loved myself. He stirred up in me the kind of love I didn't know I was capable of. I would have died for him a hundred times over!

It was insanely…

Move On Already!

Heartbreak can be devastating!!!

It can shutter you entirely and also. Some times worse than others depending on how committed you were to making it work or better still, how much of your heart was involved.

Growing up, I got involved in so many relationships and most of them did not outlast a fortnight! People always put up an act when you initially meet them or your mind decides what to expect the first time you meet a person. So every time I met the 'real person' I just couldn't deal and the relationship ended.

I can only count two real relationships in my life.

The first was with the most amazing man I had ever met! I was eighteen, he was twenty six and I was totally into him. I loved him! Anyway, it didn't quite end the ideal way. We didn't get married and have babies... There was no proper closure and I continued to crush on him for almost five years after that!

When I got closure though, it was so dramatic how I instantly got over him- which taught me the i…