Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Do people change?

Someone recently told me that I had changed- I had become another person. Lol! I did not try and argue with them or anything like that- I just tried to understand where they were coming from. on an ordinary day, I am quite the ball of energy. I love life way to much to be stressed out or grumpy! I enjoy the thrill of the unknown and dispelling mental filters so I constantly go out of my way to do things that other people are too careful to do.

I don't mean the illegal stuff- just the challenging stuff.

I digress! I don't think I've changed; however I'm open to the school of thought that my response to certain things has changed. For instance, I have no expectations of people. I don't mean I have low expectations, I mean I don't obligate anyone to do anything for me. I appreciate my friendships and all but I will not take offense because someone does not do what I would under normal circumstances expect them to.

But again, maybe that's how I have changed. I seem to give off the 'I don't care' vibe. Don't get me wrong, I care but not about the things that people ordinarily care about! I care more about bettering myself than changing people to benefit me. Of course I have my days when I want things done a certain way by people to my benefit but most days, I'm very able to cover all my bases.

I love to help people as and when they think it's necessary- in every way possible. As to whether they accept the help or not, is entirely up to them. So, I have to ask what your take is on this whole people changing thing. Do people change or is change just a perception of different from usual response to the same stimuli?

I throw it to you!

Thursday, January 26, 2017

You are worth your time!

Sometimes LIFE CAN BE SO BUSY! And it just keeps getting busier! You find yourself running from one appointment to another never really finding time to stop. You wake up and even before your feet touch the ground, you're in go-mode! As your day progresses, the calls just keep coming in and it's one thing after another.

Life can prove entirely busy and time-consuming. But we have all come to embrace life as so. If it's not the job it's friends or social media or ministry or family or television. Our lives are so full of events that just keep going we just have to be deliberate and stop.

I find that too many people are moving through life fatigued and cranky because they barely get enough rest. No, I don't mean sleep but rest. They just have not taken time off to shut everything out and breathe for a moment.

Unfortunately I used to be one of those people who was always feeling tired, spent, fatigued- and many times I find myself slipping back into it- but I have learnt to be more deliberate about my time. I have learnt that I am worth the investment that I give to other things in my life. And I have learnt that I am as important as the things I often prioritise over myself.

I have learnt to invest in me- and I don't mean the left over time when I'm tired and out of it. I mean productive time when I can just sit and think through life, re-invent myself and spend time exploring my dreams, passions, ambitions and aligning them to fit into my time.

You are worth your time!  You are worth your productive time! You are worth the time when you are alert and can make sense of the things you want to do with your life! Invest in yourself because you are worth it!

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

What a year!

-->
2016! What a year! It really has been quite the year! I can hardly remember what occupied my mind at the beginning but I honestly did not have very much faith that this year would end. It seemed like a vast ocean with me as the one grain of sand at the shore- lost among other grains and afraid to be swallowed by the ocean.

It however has been a season of great introspection and meditation. A season of healing, restoration, learning to let go and to live by myself! A season of appreciating the awesome person I am and aligning myself to my calling. Trying to understand the purpose of my existence on earth and what I have to bring to the table of life.

I have learned to appreciate the life I have and to live it to the fullest! I have learned that I have been gifted with everything I need pertaining to life.

I’ll admit that I have made a lot of learning errors- many of them not too far away in the past but in spite of it all, I am learning. I have challenged the statusquo in seeking to understand why I believe what I believe. That right there has been one of my greatest challenges- to listen with understanding to opinions different from mine without putting myself in the place of supreme judge.

I have sought to understand the consequences of decisions I have made. Their implications on family, friends and I. Like Paul says, everything is permissible but not all things are beneficial. I have cut out a lot of people and things but I have also embraced a lot of new people and things. For everything I have let go of, it has been replaced with better and more relevant things- and people of course!

I have learned that my life and my decisions are my business and despite what happens, I should be ready to take utmost responsibility for myself.

Most of all I have learned that human beings are frail and will betray you whenever the chance avails itself. But instead of be angry about it, just understand that as unworthy as people are of your trust, give them the benefit of doubt. Be slow to judge, slow to react and always seek to preserve the relationship. Despite how much people change, always be true to who you are because in the end, you are responsible for you!!!

A toast to the year that has been!


Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Cut your cloth according to your coat!

-->
Weddings! The more of them I attend, the more I want to attend yet the less impressive they are. When I was younger it was such a big deal for guys to splash money on weddings and leave you talking but when I grew up I started to understand that a lot of the people who splashed money did not even have it.

Selah!

A lot of them put people on pressure to contribute towards their wedding and don’t even have the half of it. how absurd is that?

I almost got married last year and it helped me to go through the rigour of wedding meetings and what it means for two people to show up for a meeting that you expected maybe at least 20 of the people who claim to be your friends to attend. It quickly taught me that no one is under any obligation to contribute towards your wedding let alone attend your fund-raising meetings.

Sadly though, I don’t think many people know this. They make their plans around other people’s money. It could be that they expect everyone to be happy for them and contribute towards their event or maybe they are just as naïve as I was in that season.

I quickly learned that the modest thing is to start saving up towards a wedding- if it features anywhere in your future plans. In the event that you think you will get married even in the far future, start putting money aside regardless of how little it is. Those small amounts of money can start you up when you put your plans into motion.

It’s a bit weird for the couple to be unable to even pay off something as small as the venue they use for wedding meetings. It quickly discourages the people who attend the meetings who begin to consider the couple unserious.

It could even be things like the bride and grooms personal business- what they intend to wear and all. Buy what you need and always consider the need to constantly adjust your budget. Prioritise what is absolutely necessary like the actual ceremony- the church fee that is.

Some of the possible spending avenues are not set in stone and can be done without. For instance, I don’t see why a couple would be spending 8million on food when they have no idea where they will spend their honeymoon. I mean, what is the priority here? Would you not rather have a proper plan for the consummation of your marriage than spend yourself out only to have loans to clear?

Obviously we all have different priorities but honestly speaking, the wedding reception is one afternoon or evening- what remains after that is your cross to bear as a couple. So, in all your choosing and prioritizing, be wise. Learn from other people’s lessons and cut your cloth according to your coat!

To argue or walk away! That is the question!

-->
Opinions will one day be the death of people. 

*This is where I laugh out loud.*

It’s really amazing how people feel entitled to counter another’s opinion. It would seem like they had one but never had the balls to put it out there! Now that someone else has, they feel obligated to express themselves in that regard.

For the sake of clarity, when I say opinion- I mean personal belief formed as a result of ones predispositions.

You know the beautiful thing about life and humanity is that God has given every one of us a brain- which we must be bothered to use. Otherwise it defeats the purpose! The human species- being the most intelligent of all creatures ought to discern when it’s necessary to counter an expressed opinion and when it’s not!

There are things that people believe and it’s honestly none of my business; I would not start arguing with them about it. I’d rather try and understand where they are coming from and why they have formed such beliefs. Based on that, I then either bother to counter or just move on with my life.

It could be the generation we live in, I don’t know. Maybe the constant exposure to social media and the internet has bred information experts who believe what they have to say counts for something. I honestly don’t know.

My point of contention though would be, if you have to shut down what someone believes because you believe the opposite then something is terribly wrong with you. Go back and reconsider how to respond to something that contradicts your opinion.

My upbringing and experiences in life will never be the same as those of anyone. Not even my siblings. Some of predispositions may be the same but ultimately, opinion is particular to the individual; some times it may overlap, sometimes it may not. Either way it’s personal and has been shaped through personal experiences. It therefore doesn't make too much sense to fight about 'personal individually formed thoughts.'

I would say choose your battles wisely. If you feel the need to disagree with someone on what it is they believe, do it civilly but never once think that they are beneath you because what they believe is different from what you believe.

That being said, enjoy your opinions wisely!

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Calm down Madam!!!

There's this awesome friend if mine who recently decided to settle down with the woman of his dreams. For the record, I don't really know her but from what I hear, she's of sound character.

A few friends were recounting how the engagement unfolded and how carefully thought out the whole thing was. Anyway, in the midst of all this 'madam pretty' decides to put it out there how he had tried to chase her and she turned him down.

It was hilarious!!! I had to slap myself to try and grasp this kind of nonsensical ramblings! I mean, who cares if he chased you, proposed and you jam! He's got him a woman who said yes! The rest of what did or didn't go down between the two of you is none of our business- no one cares.

If you hung him out to dry and thought your popularity would sail through the roof as a result, guess what, we still don't care! Because you just sound like some jealous immature schoolgirl who can't believe he moved beyond you and landed himself a babe who actually said yes!

In other words, get over it and do so real fast. Stop boring us with your 'I turned him down stories' because at the end of the day, we only hear what you tell us. His story could be different but because he's too civilized for 'trading turn-down stories' all we have to go on is what you have to say.

It doesn't matter if you're female or male. When you walk away from a relationship or the possibility of it, it's no one's business. People will pretend to care about what you have to say then go talk about you and your immaturity. I'm not much for talk but heck, you gave me a whole blog post darling- I probably will write a poem too! Lol.

Like a wise man once said: 'If you have nothing constructive to say, don't say it!'

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Women are not and were not made to be slaves!

It is not a woman's place to keep a man!

Unfortunately, this is not the most popular sentiment in a generation obsessed with submission(read en-slaving) women. Women have been conditioned into believing that their lives are lived for men. Men also have been conditioned into believing the same. So we have a whole generation of young underachievers whose greatest achievement is to 'serve a man' and 'be served by a women' in the name of submission.

We have a whole generation of women who have planned for nothing except the 'opportunity' to 'belong' to a man. Women who will give up their hopes and dreams and settle for helping a man achieve his because they have been conditioned to do so. And of course men who have gotten with the program. A lot of men feel entitled to female submission. They believe it is their place to dominate these beings who probably have no dreams of their own and even if they do, they are not all that important!

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against submission(serving one another humbly in love) but I have a major issue with the concept of submission being used as permission for men to walk all over women. I have an issue with what people have chosen to define submission as! Yes, I do have a major problem with men who have not married a woman, requiring submission of her. I will not speak for married people because I'm not and have never been married, so I have no authority in that realm.

That being said, it's about time we start to question the things we believe and why we believe them as such. All things are relative and subject to interpretation! What is the foundation of what you believe and who is responsible for the interpretation that you have now come to accept as unchallengeable truth? Why are you afraid to challenge that supposed truth and why do you take offense when someone else does?

Women are not and were not made to be slaves! All were made equal, the only variation is our modes of contribution to societal welfare. So, women rise up and outgrow your slavery mentality because future generations are depending on you! Men, learn to honour women because one day you will have a daughter and imagine the legacy the men of her generation will be living! We have the ability to impact the future. Let's start now!