Friday, November 28, 2014


“You do not have to tell your husband everything… some things are between you, God and your grave” she spoke softly filling this soon to be wife with stupidity.

You may be appalled by the fact that I called it stupidity but believe it or not, that is pure nonsense. What is the point in getting married if you’re going to conceal things about yourself from your spouse? Your life does not belong to you anymore.

A wise woman once said to me, “if you’re getting married for you to be comfortable then it’s not your time yet.”

At that time I of course thought to myself “who says things like that” because it completely did not sound do-able let alone realistic.

One of the more popular quotes in our day is; a man is only as good as his word and that is so true. But does this apply to the male species only? Or does it apply to mankind? We all have those friends who keep telling us what they intend to do and they never get round to it so much that the next time they come up with an idea and share it with us, all we can seem to think is “here we go again!” and very rightly so because like everything else they’ve talked about, it never materializes. How much more a woman who intends to get married and intentionally conceals the truth about herself from her husband?

And by truth I mean your past, present and future. I have heard people say “he does not need to know your past. He may not be able to accommodate you. You’ll scare him” and whatever other nonsensical things they can muster to tell you. That’s a lie!!! That is truly a lie. If that man is meant to be with you, he will be with you. There is nothing whatsoever that you can tell him that will make him fail to accommodate you: nothing at all. A man who loves you will love you past your past. And that ultimately is the love that will sustain a good marriage and stand the test of time. What do I know about being marriage, nothing because I have not been married before but I have been found by a love that has had every opportunity to be destroyed but is still standing.

Why: honesty, truth and the freedom to tell the truth. The very first thing my boo got to know about me was our little girl. Even before there was the prospect of us ever being anything. That was his opportunity to run but he stayed and got to know the truth about me. Am I perfect, no way but honesty presented the opportunity for trust to grow and trust made it easy for love to blossom and ultimately love is the reason we’re here today.

Take it from me ladies, honesty is the only way to go. Not half or part honesty but the truth. Not diluted, not edited. Any man who cannot accept you for who you truly are is not worth your time or your effort. And for you sisters who encourage the rest to conceal the truth, grow up! That’s very immature! The truth and only the truth will set you free.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014


‘I do not pay you to think’ he blared.  ‘When I tell you to do something, you do it.’

I stood, frozen entirely from my head down to my toes. I couldn’t help thinking to myself; who does this man take me for? Despite my goodwill and teachable spirit while working for him, he dares to insult me so much? When did I become his puppet and not the independent mind that I am? All these questions and more kept running through my head.

Earlier that morning, a client had come by the office and he needed some work to be done on his car or so I thought. So as the administrator I was required to draft a quotation which I did until the client started to tell me to inflate the costs. Being the person I was, I refused to do this and he went directly to my boss to lodge in his complaint.

In all my naivety, I expected my boss to correct him and tell him we would do no such thing. My boss called me into his office and gave me a piece of paper that had inflated costs for each of the components that were to be added to the client’s car. I took the piece of paper, looked at it said ‘I cannot transfer these prices onto the quotation because they are inflated and my conscience will not allow it.’

And that right there is when my boss saw it fit to let me know that he does not pay me to think. For a moment I really could not think. I did not know how to process the fact that someone I respected had just poured cold water on my attempt to do the right thing. In that moment I knew I had one of two options; either to swallow my conscience and go do exactly what he commanded me to or put my foot down and listen to my conscience.

I went back to my desk and I knew exactly what I needed to do. I opened my desk drawer, took a seat and took my various belongings that it contained and put them into a black kaveera. I composed myself for about thirty minutes; I then stood up and knocked at his office door. When he invited me in, I turned the door handle and entered into his office. He offered me a seat but I declined it.

‘I cannot work for you anymore’ I told him. ‘So, here are the keys to the doors and the front desk.’
I then walked out of his office, picked my polythene bag and walked away not looking back even once.

I did not have a clue what I was doing but I did it. I did not have a fall back job plan but still I walked away. Many times I have been asked by the people around me what happened, however they never get my explanation. Many of them told me I am not serious and I should have been realistic. But between you and I; what would have been realistic? Would you rather be the person who draws a clear line between right and wrong or who does not mind as long as your pay check arrives at the end of the month? I leave it to you to think about.

Friday, November 21, 2014


I want a guy who will love me and support my dreams, treat me like royalty and make me happy. I want… You can continue the list of things you want my dear sisters because I’m sure they are quite a number. Me, me, me, me, me. It’s all about me; my needs, my wants, my desires, my expectations and my dreams.

Honestly, when I talk to women who desire to get married and listen to what they have to say, it’s quite disturbing and before you go agreeing with me my dear gentlemen, this applies to you as well. Many if not all of us all sound the same. We want to get married for us and what we can get out of the marriage. We might not even be opportunistic individuals or anything of the kind but we are extremely selfish by default.

When my amazing fiancé and I decided we wanted to spend the rest of our life together, we were super excited. We had all these amazing things to talk about: Our hopes, dreams, expectations and desires just to touch the tip of the iceberg. We wanted to know as much as we could about anything and everything in regard to each other. It was so beautiful an experience to be in love that we both sought each other out and desired to be to each other what we expected of the other.

However like all humanity, we realized we were not really perfectly suited to be each others knight in shining armour and before we knew it we shifted to our default human setting of selfishness. I complained about what he was not doing that I wanted him to do and tried to impose my will on him and vice versa. And we found ourselves debating on whether this was really what we wanted. We found ourselves at a very awkward place because we were too selfish to accommodate each other.

Don’t get it twisted. All our dreams were still equally exciting and the prospect of being with each other was bitter sweet thanks to our selfish selves!
Marriage is a place of death. Unless you can put someone else first then it’s not necessary to get married. You get married for your spouse not for yourself. I know right? How weird is that? Definitely the world we live in has programmed us to be super selfish but to decide to get married is to say, I have needs but yours are more important to me than mine. Oh yeah. That’s what it means.

Is it an overnight journey? No. It takes guts to take a step that big. It takes real heart and character to pursue a marriage of death to self. Now, I’m not saying intending makes it so much easier. As a matter of fact, only when you decide to does it become really hard. But do you have what it takes to stay where you are? And seek out someone else without obligating them to seek you out as well?

I cannot honestly say I am selfless but I will say, daily my prayer is that God will teach me to die to self and seek to be the woman He has intended me for my soon to be husband. I desire to be a woman of character, a woman of purpose, a woman in pursuit of God’s heart and a mirror of His glory.
I will not get married because I have to. That’s not necessary! I will get married because among other things I am learning to seek my boo out and bring out the best in him to the glory of God. 

Thursday, October 30, 2014


A few days ago, I met a person who introduced herself to me as a Kingdom woman and it caused me to think. If one is a Kingdom woman do they really have to introduce themselves as one? I mean is it really necessary? I know you’re probably thinking if they are unashamed of it why not? I agree. If they are proud of it, why not?

However, I have just one issue with this kind of introduction. Is it that your life cannot speak for you that you have to predetermine what another’s perception of you will be? Because the Word says you will tell them by their works! And besides, are we not the Bible that unbelievers read?

How are we sure that after one has introduced themselves as so that they will live up to the label they now possess? Is this not the reason why people go around making statements like “wabula balokole?” (translated as “surely saved people”)I’m just saying; if you are a Kingdom woman, then let your actions speak for you because ultimately one cannot act forever. Your life will always tell us if you’re being genuine or if you are just another label that does not live up to its expectations.

If a woman meditates on the word of God and hides it in her heart, her behavior is determined by what is in her heart for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Therefore, she will speak life(out of her belly will flow streams of living water). She will cause people to thrive and not choke them with negativity. She will encourage people in the Lord(The Word of God is a lamp unto her feet and a light unto her path). By the grace of God, she will positively influence generations. She will uphold people: Never underestimating the perfect God who works with imperfect human beings. The Word of God will be her final authority (if God has said it. She believes it.)

She will not gossip neither will she entertain gossip. She will not seek to glorify people’s weaknesses instead of encouraging their strengths. She will not be an agent of discord but rather because of the active work of the Spirit of God in her, reconciliation is her agenda. She will not seek to glorify herself but rather the God who is alive and at work in her. She will not judge the lost but seek them out and intercede for them to find and experience the amazing God who lives in her. She takes into account the fact that we are but flesh and blood.

She will be an instrument of love in the hands of a very invincible God. She will live for God and not for herself seeking everyday to be totally surrendered to the will of God. She will pursue her destiny in God to the best of her ability. She will speak the truth out of reverence for God(For God is truth). She will desire that justice prevail even at her expense. She will be true to who she is accepting that she is a work in progress (Not that she has attained perfection but she works toward it).

This is my definition of a Kingdom Woman. So before you start to introduce yourself as one, is this who you really are? If this really is who you are then you do not need to introduce yourself as a Kingdom Woman because everyone who encounters you WILL KNOW BEYOND REASONABLE DOUBT that you really are a woman after God’s own heart.

Sunday, March 9, 2014


 I think this is by far one of the easiest to understand but hardest to apply principles in the life. How many times have you done things to people and expected different results in return? It’s like that office you walk into and you smile at the person at the front desk and they just stare at you like some statue until they realize how important you are to their boss and then they start smiling at you. Really? Why is it more appealing to smile at me based on who I know? I still am the same person aren’t I?

Let’s bring it closer home. We all have those very selfish people who subscribe to the title of friend in our lives. They drain, drain and drain you some more financially, emotionally, mentally and walk in and out of your life like it’s some public toilet. Jess this, Jess that but are never willing to be exerted on the same kind of pressure they exert on you. I mean duh; people pay to use public toilets #Just saying! It makes no sense to expect of me what you are not willing to give back to me in terms of time, money, emotions or whatever else you require.

People need to stop being so impersonal. You need not be some famous philanthropist to be a change agent. You just gotta be deliberate about caring for people. If you deserve someone's best then give them your best.

The way I see it, if we could only grasp the depth of that simple statement; Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, the world would be a much better place. I know you’re thinking we all can’t be the same but what can I say, the world can only be changed one person at a time. That very small change that starts with you, with me can have such an amazing, far-reaching power that you would never believe.  That gesture as small as helping a mother carry her bag while she climbs into a taxi with a child in her arms, or helping an old woman lift her bags to her stage will most definitely change that one person’s life.

It starts with you. Let your physical expression of care be a manifestation of your expectation of other people!!!

Monday, March 3, 2014


I am an amazing, beautiful creature! oh yes, I just said that and I am so very confident in who I am. These however are just two of the things that I am. Many times I have met these awesome, awesome personalities who will tell me one or two things that they love about me and their sentiments definately vary from person to person.

Sometimes, I love what they love about me and other times I'm thinking really? It is no way a guarantee that what they love will be what I love. Why? Because people are different and so are their tastes and preferences but where does one draw the line between the person they love and who people perceive them to be?

I have met people who say I'm always all about business and then I have met those who think I never stop laughing. I honestly love both sides of me because I have come to appreciate the differences in temperament and just appreciate and capitalize on my strengths instead of my weaknesses. You best believe I have weaknesses and they are not few however, it does not help me at all to concentrate on them now does it?

I am who I am. You are who you are but have you learnt to love you for who you are? Have you come to appreciate the fact that there is no photocopy of you whatsoever? God broke the mold when He made you! He only made one you and that's it!!! Do what you can do, don't try to be someone else because then, you're cheating the world of what wealth of resources it can gain from you.

There is change that only you can effect on earth. There are attributes that are particular to you as a person and you do not need nobody to define them for you because you actually know what they are. The secret is simple; the easiest way for anyone to accept and appreciate you is for you to first do just that; accept and appreciate who you are. So, who are you? And do you love you? Even with all your flaws do you sill appreciate you?

Freedom is in knowing who you are and loving who you have come to know that you are. Be the you you love!!!