Skip to main content

Emancipated! Enter the Holy Spirit!

Great guy number 2 met me at a time when I had really moved on and didn't need a man to validate my existence! I was entirely emancipated!

I loved men but not to the point of killing myself about it. I was a single mother pursuing a Bachelors degree in Financial Management! My life was full and busy- the way I like it!

I was that kind of young woman that men feared to love because my focus was too damn intense!

You needed to be awesome and very focused to stand a chance to break through the bubble of my completeness that surrounded me! But who was I kidding, I was barely Twenty four and life is long, lol.

Anyway, so great guy number two broke through and he really wasn't all that focused but he warmed his way into my heart anyway! To say my whole heart belonged to him is a grave understatement because I loved him way more than I loved myself. He stirred up in me the kind of love I didn't know I was capable of. I would have died for him a hundred times over!

It was insanely intense and entirely worth it. I grew in patience, tolerance, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, heck even in charm! We planned to get married and boy was I excited!

You cannot even begin to imagine the extent of my loyalty to this man!

I was therefore devastated when the relationship ended! It was excruciatingly painful! In that season I understood that love is more powerful than death because at least death is an end in itself! My heart was ripped out of my chest, run over, crushed, shredded and then shattered all at the same time!

It was so unbelievable that love could hurt so much. I had breakups before but this pain- I would have prefered to go through the pain of child birth again.

I didn't know how to deal! I tried everything I knew how; immersing myself in work did not help. I was dead, not dying but dead.

This is what love was; the gut wrenching ripping of my soul! Unbelievably painful! And no! There was no remedy to the pain!

Never in my life have I ever been depressed! Maybe a bit but it all paled in relation to what was happening to me in the season of heartbreak!

Naturally I'm not a burden sharer so I couldn't talk about it but I couldn't seem to find any other outlet either! I couldn't write, sing, dance or even work the pain away. I just couldn't do anything about it.

My heart was kidnapped by this pain that dominated it. It was there, it was real and it was going nowhere! I just couldn't deal!

I called a friend of mine who usually knows what to say when I'm being melodramatic! He listened to what I couldn't say and did the wisest thing ever: he sent me back to God- after praying with me of course.

Needless to say, I did not know how to relate with God in my pain and prayer was not really at the top of my list of things to do.

Enter the HolySpirit!

I decided to try anyway. Honesty, no pretense just plain old honesty! I told God I couldn't deal. I didn't know how or even what to pray. I just needed Him to help me! I'm telling you, my pain was the kind that needed to go and that honesty before God opened up a well as the Spirit of God gave me utterance and started to interceed for me with groanings beyond my understanding!

I don't remember a single thing I prayed but the pain started to make it's way out! The grief started to flow! The heartbreak, betrayal, pain, conflict, hate, betrayal, depression all started to find their level.

I'm telling you, you do not know comfort until of the Spirit of God has dealt with you. You don't know friendship, the definition of help until you have been through His surgery.

To say that He is a mender of broken hearts is absolute truth that I can testify to without speculation! For His healing is divine and wholesome! His help is indescribable! His comfort you cannot even begin to comprehend!

I have no hate! No regret! No fear! No pain! No depression! Only absolute peace and a new heart! A beautiful new heart full of joy at all the possibilities life has to offer!

I commend you to the Spirit of God! He will sort you out!


Ehhh? You make it sound so simple.
5ive Wads said…
Hahaha, it is not simple one bit especially when you don't know how to let Him in. I struggled for almost two months before I realized I can't fix this lol. But once you surrender, He shows up and changes things like the awesome God He is!!!

Popular posts from this blog

He woke up to 'Breakfast with God'

Sunday afternoon, I decided to take a nap as I really felt off. I could not shake off a certain feeling that I just couldn't put my finger on. I felt it but I didn't know what this 'it' was. So I slept it off. You know how your mind says something is up but you just don't know what it is? This was me. I had been at Church earlier but even then, something was off but I just supposed I needed sleep.

Waking up after my short nap, I reached for my phone to check the time. I saw a WhatsApp text pop on my notifications at 5:40pm and all it said was Nevender 'teary faces'. I bolted up out of my bed and started texting frantically, asking what she meant.

'He's gone'

A million thoughts ran through my mind, I texted back anxiety coursing through my veins. I wasn't getting the information fast enough so I called Karen. And when she said what she said... I thought I was gonna run mad! There was no way! Nev always was a soldier... Nev had days when he d…

I thought I was God

'Everyone is entitled to their opinions and if you don't agree with what I say, take a walk!'

Quite rude huh?! But how many times have you been on the receiving end let alone the saying end of this statement? I have never said that you respond. Fair enough; how many times have you subconsciously rubbished people's opinions because they are different from yours? How many times have you mentally rolled your eyes at what someone said because it was different from your school of thought?

It's a Selah moment, right?

I came to my computer to write about one thing but ended up picking inspiration to write about another. One of my friends, Samuel Kamugisha shared an article he wrote 'The Power Of Why' and it got me thinking. His article tackles some of my latest reflections. Also, needless to say, the first thing I did was correct a grammatical mistake which he welcomed with open hands. Imagine if he had rubbished my contribution?

A lot of my friends remark that I s…

Why Is Your Gun Cocked?

'Why are you asking me that?'

'What concern of yours is it?'

'Why do you want to know my business?'

No, those are not random questions. I sat next to her as we 'spoke' though by now you realize I was doing more listening than speaking. She kept blasting these questions out about the information I was trying to extract from her. I sat still, maintained eye contact and just waited for her to come to the end of her gunfire.

'Should I speak?' I asked. 'Are you going to give me the opportunity to answer these questions or do I just continue to sit here and take your fire?'

'What fire? Me, I'm just asking you why you want to know.'

'Okay let me speak.' I said. Now turning to face her cutting her short with my eyes.

'Why do you feel the need to defend yourself? We have barely gotten into the conversation and your gun is cocked. You just went on a firing spree. Why do you feel the need to do that?'

She just continued h…