Great guy number 2 met me at a time when I had really moved on and didn't need a man to validate my existence! I was entirely emancipated!
I loved men but not to the point of killing myself about it. I was a single mother pursuing a Bachelors degree in Financial Management! My life was full and busy- the way I like it!
I was that kind of young woman that men feared to love because my focus was too damn intense!
You needed to be awesome and very focused to stand a chance to break through the bubble of my completeness that surrounded me! But who was I kidding, I was barely Twenty four and life is long, lol.
Anyway, so great guy number two broke through and he really wasn't all that focused but he warmed his way into my heart anyway! To say my whole heart belonged to him is a grave understatement because I loved him way more than I loved myself. He stirred up in me the kind of love I didn't know I was capable of. I would have died for him a hundred times over!
It was insanely intense and entirely worth it. I grew in patience, tolerance, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, heck even in charm! We planned to get married and boy was I excited!
You cannot even begin to imagine the extent of my loyalty to this man!
I was therefore devastated when the relationship ended! It was excruciatingly painful! In that season I understood that love is more powerful than death because at least death is an end in itself! My heart was ripped out of my chest, run over, crushed, shredded and then shattered all at the same time!
It was so unbelievable that love could hurt so much. I had breakups before but this pain- I would have prefered to go through the pain of child birth again.
I didn't know how to deal! I tried everything I knew how; immersing myself in work did not help. I was dead, not dying but dead.
This is what love was; the gut wrenching ripping of my soul! Unbelievably painful! And no! There was no remedy to the pain!
Never in my life have I ever been depressed! Maybe a bit but it all
paled in relation to what was happening to me in the season of
Naturally I'm not a burden sharer so I
couldn't talk about it but I couldn't seem to find any other outlet
either! I couldn't write, sing, dance or even work the pain away. I just
couldn't do anything about it.
My heart was kidnapped by this pain that dominated it. It was there, it was real and it was going nowhere! I just couldn't deal!
called a friend of mine who usually knows what to say when I'm being
melodramatic! He listened to what I couldn't say and did the wisest
thing ever: he sent me back to God- after praying with me of course.
to say, I did not know how to relate with God in my pain and prayer was
not really at the top of my list of things to do.
Enter the HolySpirit!
decided to try anyway. Honesty, no pretense just plain old honesty! I
told God I couldn't deal. I didn't know how or even what to pray. I just
needed Him to help me! I'm telling you, my pain was the kind that
needed to go and that honesty before God opened up a well as the Spirit
of God gave me utterance and started to interceed for me with groanings
beyond my understanding!
I don't remember a single
thing I prayed but the pain started to make it's way out! The grief
started to flow! The heartbreak, betrayal, pain, conflict, hate,
betrayal, depression all started to find their level.
telling you, you do not know comfort until of the Spirit of God has
dealt with you. You don't know friendship, the definition of help until
you have been through His surgery.
To say that He is a mender of broken hearts is absolute truth that I can testify to without speculation! For His healing is divine and wholesome! His help is indescribable! His comfort you cannot even begin to comprehend!
have no hate! No regret! No fear! No pain! No depression! Only absolute
peace and a new heart! A beautiful new heart full of joy at all the
possibilities life has to offer!
I commend you to the Spirit of God! He will sort you out!