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Dear writer’s block, it’s not you it’s me!


You already know what this letter is about. You and I have grown very close lately. The handholding, the walks in imaginary parks, the stolen conversations and the side-glances! All this seems real but it is not!

I have felt myself drawn into your waiting arms. Your sweet smelling warm embrace! You have stirred up in me feelings I did not know I had. The love I withheld for my lover has leaked out from crevices of my heart, into your waiting arms. Slowly drawing me away from my dream with your seductive charm. I have tried to leave too often but being with you makes me giddy. My stomach lurches in excitement at the thought of you.

I have been drawn away from my lover, drawn away from the one that tirelessly puts up with me. My sweet, kind, considerate and caring lover! The one who looks out for me! My lover who listens to me in ways I did not know were possible. He let’s me be myself and when I am with him I say what I think whichever way I want. It doesn’t matter the time of day or night; my lover will seek me out!

He fills my mind so heavily like the scent of the night rose at midnight. He surrounds me. In my conversations with people, in music, even in poetry… my lover is ever present. Always giving of himself!

I saw you around; constantly stalking my lover and I. We did not bother to mention your constant hovering. See, we both considered you of no consequence! Boy, were we wrong!

You crept out of the shrubs at the slightest sense of troubled waters between us. He saw you plan your strategic entrance into my life! He warned me lest I got carried away! But the butterflies in my stomach thundered to life clouding my judgement!

I could not believe how relaxing it was to be around you! How enjoyable and easy your company! You didn’t push me the way he did. You simply let me be! I was not used to this kind of existence. I did not have to be or do anything! No ambition! No stress! No deadlines! Nothing of the sort! I lived in the moment!

You drew me in! You kept me in! And I enjoyed every bit of it!

But I miss him! I miss the one for whom my heart beats! I miss his comfort and understanding! I miss his loving! He definitely does not love me the way you do, no. He loves me the way he does!

Not in the way that brings butterflies to my stomach! Not like that! He loves me the way he does!

He pushes deadlines on me! Constantly stresses me about my ambitions! Telling me to dream large and chase it down. Telling me to put it on paper, on my laptop, in my phone but never at any moment leave it in my head! It’s so much pressure! But good pressure! It’s a wealth of ideas! The thought patterns that can be built on, the poems waiting to come alive, the screenplays and novels waiting to be written… My lover pushes me to let it out!

That’s why despite how much I think I care for you- I have to say goodbye! I cannot do this anymore! I cannot disappoint my lover! For in disappointing him, I disappoint myself!

So, I write this letter to tell you that it really is not you; it’s me!

I have to bid you adieu my temporal lover. The one who tried to take the place of my true love! I hate to say it this way but I pray to God that our paths never cross again! Could I pray you find love? Absolutely not! For I would not wish you on the kind I know you prey on!

Dear writers block, it’s not you; it’s me!

Jessica Layado


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