I want a guy who will love me and support my dreams, treat me like royalty and make me happy. I want… You can continue the list of things you want my dear sisters because I’m sure they are quite a number. Me, me, me, me, me. It’s all about me; my needs, my wants, my desires, my expectations and my dreams.
Honestly, when I talk to women who desire to get married and listen to what they have to say, it’s quite disturbing and before you go agreeing with me my dear gentlemen, this applies to you as well. Many if not all of us all sound the same. We want to get married for us and what we can get out of the marriage. We might not even be opportunistic individuals or anything of the kind but we are extremely selfish by default.
When my amazing fiancé and I decided we wanted to spend the rest of our life together, we were super excited. We had all these amazing things to talk about: Our hopes, dreams, expectations and desires just to touch the tip of the iceberg. We wanted to know as much as we could about anything and everything in regard to each other. It was so beautiful an experience to be in love that we both sought each other out and desired to be to each other what we expected of the other.
However like all humanity, we realized we were not really perfectly suited to be each others knight in shining armour and before we knew it we shifted to our default human setting of selfishness. I complained about what he was not doing that I wanted him to do and tried to impose my will on him and vice versa. And we found ourselves debating on whether this was really what we wanted. We found ourselves at a very awkward place because we were too selfish to accommodate each other.
Don’t get it twisted. All our dreams were still equally exciting and the prospect of being with each other was bitter sweet thanks to our selfish selves!
Marriage is a place of death. Unless you can put someone else first then it’s not necessary to get married. You get married for your spouse not for yourself. I know right? How weird is that? Definitely the world we live in has programmed us to be super selfish but to decide to get married is to say, I have needs but yours are more important to me than mine. Oh yeah. That’s what it means.
Is it an overnight journey? No. It takes guts to take a step that big. It takes real heart and character to pursue a marriage of death to self. Now, I’m not saying intending makes it so much easier. As a matter of fact, only when you decide to does it become really hard. But do you have what it takes to stay where you are? And seek out someone else without obligating them to seek you out as well?
I cannot honestly say I am selfless but I will say, daily my prayer is that God will teach me to die to self and seek to be the woman He has intended me for my soon to be husband. I desire to be a woman of character, a woman of purpose, a woman in pursuit of God’s heart and a mirror of His glory.
I will not get married because I have to. That’s not necessary! I will get married because among other things I am learning to seek my boo out and bring out the best in him to the glory of God.